Caring for a parent with dementia: where to get help
By sima kornbluth · Published 2025-10-26 · Last reviewed 2026-09-18
Families caring for someone with dementia in the UK can ask the council for a free needs assessment for the person and a carer's assessment for themselves. The GP and memory service coordinate NHS care, specialist helplines from Dementia UK and Alzheimer's Society give free advice, and a lasting power of attorney should be set up while the person can still make decisions.
If a parent or partner has dementia, you do not have to work it all out alone. The council can assess their care needs and yours as a carer, the NHS coordinates medical care through the GP and memory service, and specialist charities run free helplines. The most useful early steps are getting the assessments started and putting legal arrangements in place while your relative can still take part.
This guide focuses on England, with notes on Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland. It is general information: speak to the GP, the council or a specialist adviser about your own situation.
What should we do first after a dementia diagnosis?
A diagnosis often arrives with a leaflet and very little else. These steps give you the most help for the least effort:
- Ask the memory service or GP who your point of contact is. Many areas have a dementia adviser, community mental health nurse or support worker.
- Request a needs assessment from the council's adult social care team. It is free, and anyone can ask for one.
- Ask for a carer's assessment for yourself. It is also free, for anyone over 18 who cares for someone.
- Talk about lasting power of attorney now, while your relative can still understand and make the decision.
- Check benefits. Many people with dementia qualify for disability benefits that are not means-tested.
- Tell the DVLA if your relative drives. The law requires it after a dementia diagnosis.
What help can the council and the NHS provide?
The NHS guide to dementia, social services and the NHS sets out who does what.
From the council (adult social care)
After a needs assessment, the council may arrange or fund:
- paid carers to help with washing, dressing and meals
- day centres and activities
- home adaptations and equipment
- short breaks (respite) so the family carer can rest
Whether the person pays depends on a separate financial assessment. The needs assessment itself is free regardless of income.
From the NHS
- GP and memory service: diagnosis, medication reviews and referral on.
- Community teams: nurses, occupational therapists, physiotherapists and speech and language therapists.
- Admiral Nurses: specialist dementia nurses from Dementia UK, available in some areas and on the national helpline.
- NHS Continuing Healthcare: if needs become complex and are mainly health needs, the NHS may pay for all care at home or in a care home. The integrated care board (ICB) decides eligibility.
How can I look after myself as a carer?
The NHS is blunt about this: your needs as a carer are as important as those of the person you look after. Caring for someone with dementia is often long, tiring and isolating.
A carer's assessment can lead to someone taking over so you can have a break, training, or help with housework. Other support worth knowing about:
- **Respite care**: day centres, sitting services at home, or a short stay in a care home.
- Your GP: tell them you are a carer. They can refer you for counselling or NHS talking therapies.
- Peer support: local carers' groups and online forums, such as the one run by Carers UK.
- Carer's Allowance: may be payable if you care for at least 35 hours a week and the person gets a qualifying disability benefit.
Free helplines
The NHS lists these national helplines:
- Dementia UK Admiral Nurse Helpline: 0800 888 6678
- Alzheimer's Society support line: 0333 150 3456
- Carers UK: 0800 808 7777
What legal and money matters need sorting early?
Lasting power of attorney
A lasting power of attorney (LPA) lets someone your relative trusts make decisions for them if they lose mental capacity. There are two types in England and Wales: one for property and financial affairs, and one for health and welfare. The NHS page on dementia and managing money advises setting one up while the person can still make their own decisions. A diagnosis does not automatically mean someone lacks capacity to make an LPA.
If capacity has already been lost and there is no LPA, the family would usually need to apply to the Court of Protection to become a deputy. That is slower and more expensive, which is why acting early matters. Scotland and Northern Ireland have their own systems of power of attorney.
Wills and future wishes
A person with dementia can still make or change a will if they understand what they are doing. A solicitor experienced in wills can check this. It is also worth talking about wishes for future care, where they would like to live, and end of life, and writing them down.
Benefits
- Attendance Allowance is for people over State Pension age who need help because of illness or disability. It is not means-tested. In Scotland it is being replaced by Pension Age Disability Payment.
- Personal Independence Payment is for people under State Pension age.
- Council Tax: someone who is severely mentally impaired may be disregarded for Council Tax, which can mean a discount or exemption. Ask the council.
How do I cope with changes in behaviour and communication?
Dementia affects each person differently, and changes over time. Some approaches that the NHS and dementia charities commonly suggest:
- Keep a steady daily routine for meals, sleep and going out.
- Speak calmly, use short sentences and give time to answer.
- Use labels, clocks and calendars around the home.
- Look for a cause behind distress, such as pain, hunger, boredom, needing the toilet or an infection.
- Avoid arguing about facts; respond to the feeling behind what is said.
Sudden confusion that is worse than usual can be a sign of delirium, often caused by an infection. Contact the GP or NHS 111 promptly.
When might a care home be the right choice?
There is no fixed point. Families usually start to consider a care home when the person is no longer safe at home, needs help day and night, or when the carer is exhausted despite support.
If you look at homes, ask how they support people with dementia specifically: staff training, activities, how they manage distress without restraint, and how they involve families. Check the latest inspection report from the regulator: the Care Quality Commission in England, the Care Inspectorate in Scotland, Care Inspectorate Wales, or the RQIA in Northern Ireland.
How does support differ in Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland?
- Scotland: the NHS standard is that everyone newly diagnosed is offered at least one year of post-diagnostic support from a named link worker. Personal care is free for anyone assessed as needing it.
- Wales: councils assess needs under Welsh law, and charges for care at home are capped at a weekly maximum.
- Northern Ireland: Health and Social Care Trusts provide both health and social care assessments.
Frequently asked questions
Is a needs assessment free?
Yes. Anyone who appears to need care and support can ask the council for one, whatever their income. Paying for any services that follow depends on a separate financial assessment.
Can my parent still make a lasting power of attorney after a diagnosis?
Often, yes. What matters is whether they can understand the decision at the time they make it. If you are unsure, ask the GP or a solicitor to help assess capacity.
Will the NHS pay for dementia care?
The NHS pays for medical care. Day-to-day personal care is social care, which is means-tested in England. If needs become mainly health needs, the person may qualify for NHS Continuing Healthcare, which covers the full cost.
Who can I talk to at night or at weekends?
For urgent medical concerns, call NHS 111 or 999 in an emergency. For advice and emotional support, check the current opening hours of the Dementia UK and Alzheimer's Society helplines on their websites.
Does my relative have to stop driving?
Not always, but they must tell the DVLA about a dementia diagnosis. The DVLA then decides, often with medical input, whether they can keep driving.
Key takeaways
- Ask the council for a needs assessment for your relative and a carer's assessment for you: both are free.
- Use the GP and memory service as your route into NHS support.
- Set up lasting power of attorney as early as possible.
- Check Attendance Allowance, Carer's Allowance and Council Tax help.
- Look after yourself: respite and helplines exist for a reason.